Tuesday, December 21, 2010


I've been feeling really great about this trip. Danny's been awesome, cracking jokes the whole time we've been on the road. It's just been two days, but I'm already feeling like the mess back home is distant now. When we go back, it may be waiting for us, but maybe this trip will allow me to pretend it was all just a dream... for a little while, at least. :D

Though, I'm acting as if it was all perfect and dandy. The weather had us a bit worried a few times, and we veered to the left a bit from Chicago. Currently, we're in a quaint little place called Huntley. We're pretty sure it's about an hour away from our destination, so we will be heading out in the morning. Good thing we have internet here! Diane keeps texting me about the mess we left her with... or rather, the mess Danny left her with. She's so anal about all that... haha

This afternoon, when Danny was getting us a room, I took a trip down to the local coffee shop. I was a bit worried as we had slept in the car Saturday and Sunday. I felt like, being in this random place, that we'd be more exposed... I suppose that was silly thinking. I wanted to grab a coffee and take my mind off it, you know?

Anyway, in there, I saw this girl who was sitting alone. She looked really tired, and stared out the window as if watching some invisible plane fly across the sky...

Don't think I'm weird for doing this, but I sat next to her. The girl looked about sixteen and here I am, 21 years old, sitting beside her. I don't know exactly why I did, something just compelled me!

She was confused at first, but I introduced myself and told her I was just passing through the area. She mumbled her name, Julia, and told me that she never really met someone passing through Huntley. The conversation was surprisingly easy, she was a nice girl to talk to. She said she was seventeen, and recently started doing rather well in school. She tried getting into sports like her friend, and started feeling more confident about herself. She went on a lot about how grades had been so hard for her before, and now suddenly everything started feeling better. I agreed with her, confidence is key.

However, Julia suddenly changed topics on me. Started talking about dreams and how she felt as if they were always trying to tell her something. For example, she had many where her inability to act lead to something dangerous happening. She compared this to her lack of confidence before. Recently though, her dreams contained murder. She had never actually seen anything like that beyond a movie, and to have it right in front of her in a dream freaked her out.

I wasn't sure what to say. I don't like my own dreams very much either (But! I haven't had the crystal forest one in like a week! :D ).

Instead of telling her the terribly old "It's just a dream!", I told her that she was growing up, changing. No one likes change, change is SCARY. Get enough change and your dreams might just tell you to back out of this new scary stuff sitting right in front of you. Yeah, pretty wishy-washy advice, but I tried.

I don't think Julia really believed me, but she smiled anyway. She told me that she was glad someone talked to her today. Her close friends were AWOL on her and she was feeling a bit lonely. Yay for not coming off as a creepy molester!

Buuut seriously, talking to that girl made me feel better too. She talked so passionately about her rising confidence... I realized that's been something I've been missing lately. Danny too. CONFIDENCE.

We all need CONFIDENCE.

Cooonfidence. xD

I'm not worried about sleeping here now. If anything does happen? Danny and I can take it. We've been friends for a long time, we are a damn good team.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Feeling Better

Danny and I will be leaving tomorrow.

I've been feeling a bit better and I'm sort of getting excited for this trip. I'll get some quality time with my best friend, I'll get to meet my great online friend, and eventually I'll be seeing my parents again.

This time it will be on much happier terms.

Anyways, Shiloh, we REALLY need to talk to you about the trip. Sign into AIM or drop Danny/Me an e-mail.

Monday, December 13, 2010

Dreams and My Current Condition

I'm anemic.

Just...It just happened for no reason. Things would have been really comfortable if not for that. I'm trying to get better, I do everything the doctors say, but nothing seems to change. Not ever. I'm curious as to if it has to do with the tall guy or not.
By the way, still no trace of the dude.

Oh and Danny and Shannon, you two should...probably get going, if you know what I mean.
Maybe...it's safe here?
I'm worried for you two. It's hard to put the feeling into words.

Anyway...The other day I had a rather disheartening dream. I'm standing in the forest, in front of a dead body. She's hanging from a tree, short hair, long face, doesn't look much older than me. No blood, no wounds, just a plain body with a rope around it's neck. I reach into the pockets of her coat and pull out a note, a pen, a bracelet, and a bottle of pills. I stuffed everything into my jacket other than the bottle. Without thinking, I swallow everything inside the bottle all at once. Something tells me I was trying to overdose or something. I wandered through the woods and it got darker and darker. Blood started trickeling out of my nose, my eyes, my ears, my mouth. Then everything goes black as my head feels as though it bursts into flames.

Yesterday, I rummaged through my coat again.
I found a bracelet and a pen.

This happened.

Are the pills what brought me back?

Maybe this is all just a red herring.

The tall guy maintains his radio silence, and I'll just keep laying here in my bed, anemic.

I can hardly type, I feel so fraile.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Just Ten Minutes

Danny is mostly correct. I had panicked when the banging started, and was too scared to go outside and investigate.

These callers have had my nerves shot for months now. I can't help but think this has been their plan from the very beginning. Daniel stopped going to work last week and he's told me not to answer any of their calls. He seems to think that maybe the memory loss thing will work in his favor there... or something. I don't know, he hasn't been the same since this started. Neither have I, or even Diane.

... I was almost kidnapped, or murdered, or... whatever. Oh my fuck, I can still barely believe it.

That fucker wouldn't stop knocking! Why did he not just go away?! He fucked up EVERYTHING.

As soon as I saw the door opening, I slammed my weight against it. There was no fucking way I was going to let him. Evidently, he was no weakling though, and he eventually forced his way inside. It's really hazy here... He had a big sweater on, but the hood was down. He had these strikingly... I hate to say it but, his eyes were just mesmerizing. They were a bright shiny blue, and they just...

I don't know why I focused on that. We stared at each other for a moment before he pounced. I tried to slip away but he had been able to get a hold of my ankle. I tripped and slammed my head against the couch. (We have the living room just outside the door, and then there's the main hall where... Mmkay, I guess that's not important at all...) He started to crawl on top of me, to pin me, I assume. I began to kick wildly, probably hitting him in the face a few times. He made these large grunting noises, like he was struggling. Either I'm stronger than I realize or he had some sort of condition... Considering what exactly I've seen, I'm thinking the latter.

My kicking allowed me to get away from him for a moment. I rushed to our little kitchen and grabbed the large chef knife Diane bought in the summer. When I turned back, the guy was stopped in the doorway. He had such a look of anguish on his face, I thought he had seen the knife and was about to run away. I thought it was odd the guy had come to attack me and apparently didn't have a weapon of his own... But then, I noticed he wasn't looking at me, but above me.

You see, in the kitchen, we have this small little window that rests in between the cabinets. I looked up, and well...

How does one describe the first time they see a monster from their nightmares in the flesh?

A face filled the kitchen window. Except, there was nothing there, really. It was a rather blank face. The clothing? I could tell the guy (Quite a skinny guy) was wearing a very prim and proper black suit. He even had a tie. I blinked, and he was gone. Well, not really.

I turned back to my attacker, who had started up his loud grunting again. That grunting was quickly becoming the most annoying sound in the world. Aside from the knocking, of course.

He took one step toward me before his nose exploded. Not literally, but blood just started pouring out of his nose like... like a fountain. It was disgusting, just sickening. I was about ready to puke when, well, the faceless guy appeared again. The tall man. Skinny skinny skinny guy. The Slender Man.

I'm about ready to pass out, but I need to finish writing this post first.

My attacker was having the worst nose bleed of all time, and when you-know-who appeared, he started screaming.

I started screaming too, I think.

I wanted this guy out of my apartment. I wanted the fucking nightmare out of my apartment. The closest one was the faceless monster. I took a couple of steps across the kitchen, took a deep breath, and planted my chef's knife right into his skinny back.

If you want to know what exactly happened after that, your guess is as good as mine. I am pretty sure I felt some sort of pain, and things got really dizzy... But honestly, I think I went completely blind. I don't remember what I was seeing, but there was definitely screaming. More than just my own and my attacker's, I think. There might have been laughter? Something like that...

It was just painful, really.

Next thing that I know, I'm laying on my back, with that attacker with his mesmerizing eyes staring down at me. I had a hold on his arm, the one holding the needle. The guy, he looked spooked. I'm sure I did too.

Danny walked in, the attacker forgot all about me and plowed his way outside. It was... a long time before I was able to get up.

I couldn't tell Danny that I had seen... you-know-who. I decided I would until the police were gone, until everything had calmed down before I would write this post. I do feel a bit better after writing it, but damn, I'm just exhausted.

I'm also more scared than ever.

Sweet dreams.

Monday, December 6, 2010

It's late, but...

... I wanted to make aware that on the news today, a couple of kids were reported missing after disappearing from their homes overnight. Two girls. They were about 8-9 years old and were apparently best friends.

This kind of thing is devastating. I can't even fathom how cold one would have to be to take a child away from their family. It's always a selfish reason, whether it be perverted or malicious.

It's stuff like this that truly make me wonder if the monsters we create in our imaginative minds are really worse than our fellow man.

Man can be so cruel.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Second Set of Notes: Codes

I'm working on getting in contact with Jake Owen. I am going to attempt to help him and his cousin.
Jake if you're reading this, just reply to my email, okay?

Anyway, I looked over my notes and meditated a bit(not literally, I can't sit still for ten seconds) on the two weeks, and came up with a good topic I think would be interesting to talk about. A lot of the time when the tall guy hollows someone out or something, they'll tend to speak in code. Very cryptic. M made a great post about this too, but as a former hollowed, I'd like to put my two cents in from the other side of the spectrum. I actually like to think the tall guy himself enjoys being this way with the codes as another form of spreading fear and paranoia, but that's just conjecture of my mind. Now there's three types of codes the hollowed people seem to use, and boil down to three phrases.

It's/I am/we are coming for you.
Help me.

Looking over some of the comments I've left on the other blogs of people involved with the tall guy, you might find I was doing this too. I'm too lazy to look it up exactly but I was saying something along the lines of:
And it you cut out some of the letters you get, yes, "help me" actually I think I just wrote "elp me", I'm not sure, but I guess that was the implication.
Again, I was pretty much insane during this time, so I really haven't a clue WHY I did this when in all other instances I was completely under his control. What I've began to assume is that when a hollowed person sends a code for help or to help someone else, it's the smallest vestiges of your humanity leaking through, and...the hollow part is trying to cover it up? Not sure. Not being able to ever have an absolute kind of sucks, doesn't it?
Another thing I don't understand is coding some hidden threat into a message, why don't you just tell me outright that I need to "be alone" mr hollowed?

There was another girl with me at one point, not for very long. The other puppets, they came and went, rarely interacting with another puppet. We weren't some sort of society, hanging out underground eating dinner together, but occasionally the tall guy would have us interact or cross paths. This happened multiple times during my two week's stay. Anyway, she had scars all over her arm. They didn't look like scars from cuts, because they were round like burns, it was as though she had a large round pole stabbed through her skin all over. I couldn't see her face because of her hood, and her long hair covered most of her features like a mask. She wore casual clothing like me. In retrospect, we probably looked really silly in our jeans and hoodies serving the tall guy. ...Just like a bunch of Daddy's little kids. Makes me sick.
The girl had a metal stake in her hand and was carving something into a tree in the middle of the forest where I was currently "hanging out"(awaiting orders, I suppose). When she was finished, she ran off as though she were running for her life, the sound of crunching leaves got farther and farther away from me until I could hear it no longer. At that point, I peered at what she had carved, at the time I had no reason to have any opinion whatsoever, but I remember exactly what it looked like:

As you can see, some letters were written smaller...If the hollowed part of her was trying to cover up her plea of "Find me, Kill me" why didn't it come up with something more...complex? These are the things that make me curious. I've spent all day today thinking about who this John guy was to her, and what the message itself (disregarding the code) meant, if anything at all.

Shit, I act like I know what I'm talking about, but I really don't have much of a clue do I? At least I have some experience. I guess.

Next post will be a little deeper, a little more first hand. Believe me, after having gone through this, writing this crap isn't too easy.
But some of you, some of you probably get that, don't you?

Monday, November 29, 2010

Owen Adele

It said



Not, own adele. Owen.

First and last name, I guess.

If anyone knows someone named Adele Owen (or Owen Adele, Adele seems more like a first name to me), please contact me or something. I think she/he's in trouble. Big. Fucking. Trouble.

Sidenote: I went to the post office today and had this waiting for me. (Must have come while I was gone)

The little things that cheer you up.

Saturday, November 27, 2010

First Set of Notes: Victims

My notebook is a total mess from all the shit I've written in it. Everytime I remember something, think something, I need to put it down asap. I can't risk losing this information. So it's time to start, time to let the world, and the rest of the people being followed by the slender man or other devices know what I've been through, what I've learned.

As you can assume, I've done certain things I'm not proud of while under his thrall (or if you prefer, while I was "hollowed"), and I won't be speaking of my guilt until it's neccesary. Allow me this? Thanks.

Now, from what I can tell, the slender man has three basic types of victims. There may be a lot of other types or variations, but these are the big distinctions I found.


As the Father, he seeks out his Children, follows them, watches them. Sometimes for weeks, months...he may even decide to play with you. Make your life a little more "Fun"...Until he finally decides that he likes you enough, that your worthy of his total "love".
Now, as most of us by now know (Probably by way of M), you become capable of being stalked by him once you know about him. Once you know about him, he knows about you. God help you if he decides to show you his love. Love of course, being taken off and never seen again. Killed. Father wants to show love to all Children.


He may decide you're good enough (I don't exactly know what kind of critera you have to meet), and choose to "Adopt" you. These are the step-children, he "hollows you out" and proceeds to make you his puppet. This is what happened to me, I guess. He gets you to do stuff for him, he never speaks, you just...know. What you have to do just comes to you as if an instinct. He'll tell you to bring someone to him, to kill someone's family...stuff like that. ...I assume. I don't know all the why and how--it's not like I was asking him questions; this is all observation. There were only a few that were around me. So I assume that this is the category with the lowest amount of people. Eventually, when he's done with you, he shows you his love...or disowns you. Regardless, you die.
I have no idea why I didn't meet this fate.

Finally there are the Orphans, the people he chooses are unworthy of love, or are in the way of him giving it to someone he really wants to love. These are the people you find tied to trees in black bags, skewered on a tree branch, a bloody smear on the wall...or even just "gone".

Sir Slender Man, you know there's really no difference when you KILL SOMEONE, right?

Another important thing you should note: I use this family terminology note as an absolute, but simply how I perceived it when I was "hollowed". When my mind went to madness, this was how I saw the world, how I saw the slender man, and everyone around me. So when I say "children" or "step children" you could easily substitute stuff like "chosen" or "worthy" or whatever you'd like. This is just how I know it, and it's how I can put it into words. I doubt he actually thinks he's some sort of Daddy, it's just how I saw it.

I'm gonna look over my crazy notes to put together another informative posts tomorrow or sometime, but now I'll explain some current events.

I've checked all of the letters and paper and stuff that was in my jacket when I woke up. A lot of crazy scribbling, as to be expected. There's around 74 of them. 20 of which I scribbled with "OWN ADELE OWN ADELE. COMING COMING." And a bunch of letters and numbers. More than I can count.

Own Adele?
Poor girl.
I'll talk more about these papers when I can think of something about them. When I can piece what they mean together. Maybe I'll scan some sometime.

Also,you may be wondering, "Shiloh, why aren't you on the run yet? The slender man is after you!" Well...I'm not sure if I should yet. Does he still want me? I haven't seen him, felt him(if he's following you, you probably know what I mean) since I got back. Maybe he forgot about me or something?
Hahaha...one can only hope.

That's not the really weird thing though.
The really weird thing is that nobody, my parents, my friends.
They don't remember I was ever gone.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Sleeping Beauty

Shiloh Ryan, here. Don't worry. I'm not crazy or anything...I'm back to normal. Well, sane...How this is though...
You're all probably wondering what exactly happened to me for the last two weeks, and believe me, it's not something easy for me to put into words...I'll get to that in a moment, but first, theres something I need to say about, well, everything.

We live our lives based on what we accept as true, right, concrete...That's how we define our "reality" Can we really say for sure what's true? What's correct? Is the stuff in front of us concrete, or just a result of our own delusion? It's just a bunch of vague concepts, "reality" could be just as much a delusion as seeing monster or ghosts. Monsters aren't real, Ghosts aren't real...Why? Because we can't prove that they are. Our world is shaped by our own reality, our own beliefs. My reality isn't the same as anyone elses anymore. So many things are real to me now. The world I live in has been stripped of it's logical, physical bindings.

The slender man is real.
Shannon, Danny, it's best the two of you accept this before it's too late.

On November 11th, I went to Millenium Park with my friend Sean to meet up with this guy who had been stalking me and sending me all this creepy shit. We eventually saw him, and he ran immediately. We chased him out into the city, I can only imagine what the people around us thought. It didn't matter to me though, I wanted to pound this dude's face in if it was the last thing I ever did. We followed him into an alleyway, I was sprinting as fast as I could, Sean not far behind me when the blond guy turned a corner. Before we could turn it ourselves, he stepped out in front of us.

Black suit, no face. I can't put into words the horror of this moment. Everything in my life up to that point was nothing compared to seeing a nightmare become flesh.

I felt something enter me. A piercing pain in my stomach. I'd been stabbed by something long and thick, I felt where it entered and where it exited out the back. It went all the way through. Blood seemed to rocked out from my mouth. I could see each drop moving farther from my face as if it was in slow motion. After that, I must have passed out.

The next thing I remember is being dazed in dark room or garage or basement or something. I was handcuffed to some object. My memory is foggy about this part, I remember waking up many, many times during this. My concept of time was completely gone. (I must have tried to record it from my phone during one of the times I woke up as seen in the video titled "cove". I can imagine who uploaded that from my phone.)

Eventually, I woke up, this time not being so disoriented. I was in about two inches of water. It was dark, everything black, I couldn't see anything at all. I thrashed around, I could feel myself surrounded by what I can only describe as soft, thin slices of some sort of meat or something. Some were floating, some I could feel on the surface of the floor under the water. As I violently thrashed about I eventually started to inhale and swallow a bit of the water on accident. Only then did I realize it wasn't water.

It was blood.

I gasped and choked on the horrid, metallic liquid in my mouth. I vomited almost immediately; I knew it wasn't my own blood, and that thought made me vomit a second time. I was choking on the blood of other people, and it was REAL. I thrashed about ever harder, cutting my wrist on my handcuffs in the process and started screaming. It was a wonder that I wasn't doing that already. I couldn't think straight; I started clawing my eyes to find a fabric covering them. It felt like bandages. I have no idea WHY bandages were put over my eyes but it only served to freak me out even more. Instinctively I started calling out for my parents.
Isn't that sad?

I heard footsteps coming towards me, not long after that I blacked out.

The next thing I knew, he was my "father". The slender man.
Yes, I know that's crazy, but it's something I can't explain. I became his puppet after that, and...I remember everything. All of it. I don't know why I did what I was doing.

Last night, Tuesday at about 1:00AM or something...I don't remember exactly, I woke up in the middle of a forest preserve or something, not too far from my home, 16 miles maybe. Immediatley I knew that I was back to my old self. Everything that had just happened hit me instantly. Except, of course, what happened BEFORE I blacked out this time. That was the only gap.

It was like I had been joined with a different person. Like Shiloh died in that pool of blood, became someone else, and then he joined with Shiloh to become what I am now. It was like I took another person's memories as my own.

I've been reading some of the stuff I've said to some people, and I can only say that I'm sorry. That wasn't me. Whatever I became was NOT ME.

Anyway, when I woke up I took my phone out of my pocket. It was about to die, which makes sense as that was probably how I was communicating on here in the first place. Fuck my 3Gs. I went to my GPS and found where I was and started walking home in a daze. There wasn't anything else I could do anyway. After an hour or so of that, a cop rolled by and pulled up next to me. He questioned what I was doing out so late (I assume he though I was a minor or something. I'm told I look rather young for my age.) and I told him I got lost on a hike and if I could get a ride home.

I was lucky to meet such a nice fucking cop. He dropped me off at home and I spent the night in my garage. I was afraid of my parents, so I waited until the morning when they were already gone to get into the house. My jacket, which I had been wearing on the 11th was now stuffed with letters and notes covered in random scribblings...I tossed them into a bag at home. I'll look through them later, should help me make sense of this. I tried phoning Sean...No answer. I hope he's okay.

In the mirror, I looked like a total corpse. Like I hadn't eaten or done anything in two weeks. I didn't feel hungry or tired, though. I showered and laid down on my bed. The only thing I could do was scribble down the past two weeks' events.

I don't know why I went back to normal after being it's puppet, I don't know if he's still watching me, I don't know if I should sleep or what I should do. Everything has become so horrifying. I have seen and been a part of death with my own two eyes, my own two hands.

My next posts are going to largely be the accounts of my two weeks under the slender man that I've scribbled down in my journal, what I learned, what I experienced, what I felt, what I saw, and what I can figure out.
Maybe it can help me, maybe it can help you.

After all, you're all real, aren't you?
I can't believe we let ourselves be so deluded.
Is this your doing?

Oh, and that blond guy? He's dead.
A lot of people are dead.

Again, I'm sorry everyone.
I'm so, so sorry.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010


!pots ,timmaD
.reh tuoba (gnipyt)gniklat tsuj morf meht gnitteg m'I .sehca hcamots lauteperp eht fo derit m'I. metsys ym fo tuo siht teg dna reh ot lkat yllanif ot ecin eb d'taht ,heaY...os reh rof emas eht sti syas acisseJ...sehsurc eldnah I yaw eht reklats a ekil leef em sekam taht semitemos hguohtlA !tsal ta etamiltu emoceb lliw efil dna reh hcaorppa yllanif nac I ebyaM !otni os m'I lrig taht tuoba ecivda emos em evag neve ehS
.rewolf etihW
.gniht etihw....a sa sa etihW .nacixeM saw stnerap reh fo eno llet ot elba eb reven d'uoy reh ta gnikool esuaceb ynnuf si hcihW
nacixeM s'eh taht tpecxE .daD reh tuoba gnihtyna wenk reven I ti fo kniht ot emoC ?wenk ohW !rehpargotohp lanoisefforp a si daD reH .yhpargotohp ym tuoba lla reh dlot I dna ,retirw gniripsa na llits s'ehS .neeb ev'ew woh rehtohcae gnilleT .taht dna siht tuoba gniklat detrarts ew dna em dellac ylmodnar tsuj ehS !yadot litnU

.peed oot gnihton tub ,neht dna won yreve tahc d'eW...gniklat deppots dna sloohcshgih tnereffid ot tnew ew ,reverof tsal t'nod shniht doog esruoc fO
.revetahw ro semag oediv ro sehsurc ruo eb ti rehtehw ,revetahw tuoba tsuj rehtohcae htiw gniklat thgin lla yats d'eW .reh ot esolc leef em edam yllaer nommoc ni dah ew taht lla tuB
(dnuora lap dna spohkcos loohcs ta ecnad dluow ew hguohT) .enilno ylno detsixe hcum ytterp spihsnoitaler ruO .yalpelor ot woh em thguat ehs dna ,gnitirw [ydren] derahs eW .stseretni [ydren] emas eht fo lla derahs tsuj ew ,snaem yna yb sdneirf taerg t'nerew eW .acisseJ deman dneirf siht dah ,loohcs edarg ni saw I nehw ,oga emit gnol A

?ton s'tI
?thgir ,sthguoht gnitnev rof SI golb sihT .yrots a syug uoy llet em teL

Saturday, November 20, 2010


theyre dead. dying. hes killing them. 6, 7 ,8 , 9? i cant COUNT.

he's so angry, father is SO SO ANGRY! he's hurting all of us...weHE IS SO UPSET WITH US..

please dont punish me too

Thursday, November 18, 2010


though i have been gone you should not worry

on the 11th i decided to go home

to see my father

he welcomed me

ive learned how to CAUSE

i am covered in the man's blood

i will be father's favorite

Wednesday, November 17, 2010


I wasn't too sure if I should let Danny talk about this, or if I should. I'm home and he's not, so I guess I'm just going to say it.

Brandon has gone missing.

For the last few days, he hasn't shown up for any of his classes. No one who is friends with him has heard or seen from him. His roommate says he hasn't been home, or been contacted.

Obviously, people are a bit worried.

I have a bit more reason to be worried, considering the week before he disappeared he started avoiding me and leaving me weird messages. There is an obvious connection but... What is it?

Not to mention Shiloh's two last videos. I can't even tell what is clearly going on in them, or why they were uploaded like that. He hasn't contacted me since the 11th... I guess he's gone missing too.

I'd really like to know just what the heck is going on.
I can't handle this much longer.

Friday, November 12, 2010

Not Fine

I can't sit around and pretend everything is okay anymore.

Danny may have insisted we've got it all figured out but we don't, not at all. I have been having extremely terrible nightmares lately. That doll, the crystal forest, the endless twists and turns... They keep haunting me.

The reason I can't use my old account is because... This is silly, but I had a dream about it. A nightmare. I will not go into detail, but I feel it would be a very bad omen at this point to even touch the thing. I am not normally superstitious, but...

I didn't want to talk about any of the weird stuff. The strange calls, Paul, or Shiloh. Once it became apparent Danny was experiencing similar stuff, I decided to talk to him about it. He insisted that we pretend nothing is wrong. To get superstitious would be the worst thing to do. I still could not bring myself to use the old account, so I made a new one...

We contacted the cops (looked into getting a new number as well). I am willing to believe that whoever is harassing us is stressing us out enough to make us sick, and to see things that are not even there. I am talking about Halloween, when Danny apparently saw something. I don't even know what it was, he refuses to elaborate.

I just want to believe it's all illusions. Once we get rid of the strange callers (and I thought Brandon was so nice, I am so hurt that he would do this) hopefully everything should go back to normal.

Paul, wherever you are, and Shiloh too, please stay safe.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

I received...

An email.



city 2 us



111110 was on a few of the pictures.

I had a feeling it might have been a date, but I tried not to think about it. I'm kind of sick of this guy fucking with me.
Obviously he means Millenium Park.

I'm going. I'm going to find him and...

.   .   .

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

You got Shannon in my blog...You got blog in my Shannon

776? Whatever, I don't care.

Shannon, Shannon is going to be joining this blog because...well, just because. She's leaving her old one to Danny, and she's just going to be making posts here if she feels like it.

Maybe I won't be so lonely.

Monday, November 1, 2010

Scaring People

The cuts on my arm keep opening up again, it's ridiculous.

Danny and Shannon. Whatever is going on with them is creeping me the hell out. I keep getting cryptic emails from a bunch of random addresses (with "scary" pictures like that dog meme. I'll post some later 4tehloolz?). Some sort of fearmongerer is...fearmongering. People are trying to scare people. Some sort of 4chan assault on the masses?
Hilariously enough, that wouldn't be so unlikely.

But I'm too genre savvy to be such a moron and believe something like that.

It makes me feel paranoid.
I swear to god I saw a CROWD of people in suits in the parkinglot while I was at the bus stop.
Goddamn buisnessmen and their uniforms.

Friday, October 29, 2010


Today I had four voice mail messages which were in my inbox after school today...I don't know who's number any of them could possibly be, but again, weirdness has stricken my life.

First: A bunch of scratching noises around static for roughly thirty seconds. At one point it also sounds like someone is picking up and putting down the phone.
Second: A quiet beeping noise. That's it.
Third: Over five minutes (I stopped listening after that) of nothing but static and wind.
Fourth: Hey, uh, Shiloh, this is Jefferey...Someone called me from your phone and I just wanted to see if everything was alright and if you were okay. Call meif you need anything, alright? Bye.

I don't know anyone named Jeffrey, nor has anyone with that name had my phone number or mine theres.
...I'm hesitant about calling.
I want to just ignore it, weird as it is. Doing nothing can be the best option, yeah?

In addition to this...I recieved an email from some random, and I assume spambot, address. The title was "SMILE!!! GOD LOVES YOU!!!"
I knew it wasn't a good idea to open it, but I have a Mac so I figured I may as well check it out. Weirder things have been happening.

Attached was this image.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

What I found

Again, I found this in my container of photo paper and developed it right away.

Looks...Kind of like a pinhole because of how warped and round it looks...

It bugs me...anyone want to tell me what they think?

Edit: There are no cuts on my left arm. Nor do I remember any.
The only record of that is my last blog post.
.  .  .
I'm gonna go lie down.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010


I woke up today and got ready to go to music lessons.

It's tuesday.

I don't remember anything since going to sleep Friday night. I woke up with cuts all over my left arm and my oft-used camera was completely smashed.

I should've kept up with my journal and things.

I took the roll of film to school today and immediately developed it. All of the negatives were totally foggy (I remembered the lightblocker this time)except for one, a picture of some dirt or something. I went to print it anyway, but when I opened up my container of photopaper, a small slip of it fell out. It looked like the size of the paper we use for the pinhole camera (which I've never used before and have NO CLUE how to do so)

So I developed the print and what I got is...Well, I'll post it later. I don't feel like bothering with my scanner right now. That's not what bothers me though. What bothers me are these cuts.

Have I been hurting myself? That's the only thing that could've happened, I think. All of the cuts are about the different distances apart and are pretty thin slashes across. I've been pretty down lately, but I'm not suicidal.
Did something bad happen this weekend? I don't want to tell my Parents I forgot again...I don't want to tell anyone but you guys. I don't want people worrying about me and submitting me to more stupid tests.

Worst of all, my sweet, dear camera is completely busted.

I just don't know what to do with myself.

Friday, October 22, 2010

Nothing like yesterday

Today was awful.
Nothing bad happened, I just feel awful. I don't know, maybe it's the fact that my only "talent" in this world is viewed as pretencious and just for people who can't do "real" art.

I don't know what else to say. I could rant on but I know you guys don't want to hear that. Update on my health? Sure. I'm totally fine. mostly. No memory gaps, no nothing. The stress is coming back, but I don't think I'm going to regress.

But I've apparently (according to my brother) been sleep talking.

That's annoying.

I feel really sad, but I don't really have anyone irl that can comfort me about it. I have no shoulders to lean on, and it's not like I can just be like this with my parents.

I don't know what to do something.

...Again, should've started with "Dear Livejournal,"

Thursday, October 21, 2010

In Love

I'll probably never be just a "normal" type of kid again.
But if things keep up like this, if I can have more days like today, maybe I won't have to.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

You don't see with your eyes, You perceive with your mind.

That last post was pretty horrible.

I talked to my lovely shrink again (her name is Doctor Summers and she is way hot xp) and basically what she had to say was my mind is playing awful tricks on me, and I'm not taking my medicine as directed, and I'm under a lot of stress (photography deadlines rrrgh) I told her about this blog and she said that things like this make me feel as though I need something to report, and that it can make you subconciously exaggerate situations or even making you start seeing or feeling things that aren't there.

In my case, it's seeing things.

So...I'm not gonna post for a bit. For the good of my health! When I'm better I'll come and say hi and start posting again.

It's not like Shannon is here anyway.

I'll still be on skype and checking my email, though.


Monday, October 11, 2010


It's happening again. I keep dreaming, and I keep waking up.

They keep moving.
Someone is here.
Please, please let me be insane...Please don't tell me this stuff is actually happening to me.

Huddled in the corner of my bed, cowering in fear...I can't stop shaking. Eyes fixed firmly on the door...

Friday, October 8, 2010


...They moved again.
Let's...ignore that. *Inhale* I'm just gonna do that.

Anyways, I developed the analog film on wednesday and...my god I'm such an idiot. I forgot to put in the lightblockers and ruined almost every freaking picture.
Stupid stupid...

Only three pictures on the negatives survived unscathed. (Keep in mind I don't remember taking any of the pictures that were on these rolls of film) One was just a picture of some trees in what seems like Millenium Park. Another was a picture of my friend Ryan in front of a fountain. And the third...I took to the darkroom and printed it because...it interested me.

Here it is:

Anyone know what this is? It kinda bugs me...I've never seen that sculpture before in all the hundreds of times I've been downtown. Any ideas? Comments?
...It's actually a pretty good picture! I should enter it in a contest.
A creepy contest.
It just...looks at me.


Thursday, October 7, 2010

Neither Here, Nor There...

Today was a day. I'm trying not to talk like everything in my life is one big strange occurance, but lately...I don't know, maybe I'm just getting paranoid from all the stuff going on with my memory. The medication...I don't know. So for some reason,a rail outside (Y'know, like the ones on steps?) was mind blowingly hot and I scalded all of the fingertips on my left hand. I need those for guitar! It's like every day I wake up and I keep getting worse. I'm trying to ignore the fact that I might actually be being driven insane by something or another but...When I woke up this morning...Well, let my start this as a new paragraph.

I have a couple of Megazords in my possesion. Y'know...those big combination robots from powerrangers? I have some of the big toys from my youth and they decorate my room because they look amazing. I haven't touched them in YEARS though. This morning they were all on my desk. I asked my parents and my brother if they moved them at all, but they said they hadn't been in my room since I went to bed.

Did I move them? Did I just...forget?

I want to say "On the lighter side" and talk about my romantic endeavors but I'm too messed up.

I'm scared, guys.
I don't know what to do about anything. Is this what it's like to be crazy?

Should've started with..."Dear Livejournal..."

By the way JAB...I'm a guy, yes. You're not the first person to make the mistake, though.

Nuts! I almost forgot, I talked to Shannon! She hasn't been on because...well, I don't know. She just kinda shrugged me off on that.
She seems okay though. Glad somebody is!

Wednesday, October 6, 2010


Behind her today, on my way home from school, I finally worked up the courage to say something.
And then out of nowhere, her Mom(I assume it was her mom) popped out and started talking to her. ...So I had to keep on walking.

This is getting REALLY frustrating. It's bad enough feeling like I'm a stalker, but...come on. I get zero chances to ever get any of this right! Bad situations...why have I got to be so damn shy?

So, being the angsty emo teen I am, I sighed to myself and turned the corner.

And then I was sitting at home.

I lost about an hour. I don't remember anything from between turning that corner and being here about twenty minutes ago.

Going to the doctor again when my Dad gets home...

I hate this. Throw me a bone, God.

Monday, October 4, 2010

The Journal, and the Blog

Today I was writing in my journal (guess which female I mentioned in that writing!)

Then I realized that it would've made a good blog post. But perhaps, not so.
So, in my journal, I'm just going to strictly write the days activities, and I'll put my feelings in here...

So how am I feeling? Besides constantly wobbly legs, I'm still afraid of waking up and forgetting my name. Sometimes, when I'm out shooting photos, I get these sudden headaches. According to my blog, I had posted about a headache during the week I can't remember, so that's what's so scary about it! Maybe it's something in the air. I still haven't gotten a chance to develop the pictures I took during that week.

The for lack of a better word, shitty, part of doing manual film is that I can't post anything I don't print! But I'll try to print anything cool I find so I can show you guys!

...It...makes me feel anxious. Just a little bit.

Friday, October 1, 2010

Something Important, I Can't Remember...

I spent all of last night in the hospital having tests done.
...Thankfully, it looks like nothing is wrong with me...
I took the day off of school to go see a psychiatrist who's supposedly really good in the memory department...We talked for a while and he asked me if before the gap in my memory, I was under a lot of stress. I told him the only stress I was under was about a girl, I don't think he took anything from it. He came to the conclusion that it's either a phenomenon and will probably never happen again, or I'm repressing those days for a reason. My parents, nor myself or any of my friends were able to provide much useful information about what I was doing for those few days.

His concern was that this may happen again. So he recommended having a journal to write my daily exploits in, and also said to look into getting on the service Twitter, to help me keep track of what I'm doing were another bout of amnesia to occur. So...That's what I'm doing.


Feel free to follow me and see the boring things that I'm doing...

, , ,

I'm still scared about this whole thing. What did I DO!?!? I'm gonna talk to everyone...

On the lighter side...I took a lot of good pictures during my lapse of memory. Really cool pics of buildings and street scenes!
Aw man...I still gotta talk to her. Hopefully she doesn't think I'm a total weirdo.

You can never know what someone is thinking. Jump in with both feet. Don't leave room for regrets.

Oh, and JAB, thanks for your concern..it means a lot. I should be fine. :D

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Snow White

Somebody slipped me a poison apple.

I woke up on the bus today. But waking up isn't the correct word because I wasn't asleep.

...This is really surreal, but it was just like, all of a sudden, I resumed as if somebody had hit the pause button on my life, and then taken it off.
I don't remember anything from the last five or six days of my life. I had no idea where I was or where I was coming from. I had my camera around my neck and my Ipod was in. I looked around in a panic to find my friend Ryan sitting across from me. I asked him what I was doing there and he looked at me like I was insane. I freaked the hell out. I can't even describe what was going through my head because it was so ridiculous. A week of my life, gone. I need to find out what I did...and why I can't remember it.
We were downtown taking pictures, by the way. Ryan didn't see me on any other day this week. I told my Parents and they said I've been acting normally, although I went out a few times and have been couped up in my room a little more than usual.

I don't remember making my last three or four blog posts...I don't know what's up with the video, especially.

I've gotta go to the doctor. I think something might be wrong with my brain.


Saturday, September 25, 2010

l Y

My Head Hurts

My brother is being really unbearable today, and I have a headache. I typed out a longer entry for this but my computer blanked out and I lost it...Isn't blogspot supposed to save this stuff?


I feel terrible.

Friday, September 24, 2010


Trying to get into a girl's life and date her or whatever is way harder than it should be.
It SEEMS like with both share an interest in each other.


She just gets to sit there and wait!

I'd kill to just have to wait to have someone sweep me off my feet.

But nope, gotta come up with all these stupid plans.

It'll be worth it though.
I hope.
Well if it works out, definately.
If not well,
I'll be upset! no plz

I'm going downtown next thursday to take pictures...That day is going to be very important.
Nothing go wrong plz.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Not So Scary

Yeah, okay, creepy head and shoulders from my nightmare shows up in a photo I  took.
Yeah right. Yeah right! Coincidences...I developed the same photo again earlier today, and I got the same thing. So, it's probably just George Washington possessing my quarters or something. As if.

And I looked up what I could remember from me dreams for interpretations...The two most vivid dreams were the ones with the Chimera and the TV. I looked up static on a TV as well as the Chimera, and both seem to represent having a sense of confusion in your life.
Which...I guess I've been lately...It's something to think about!

I wish I could get my scanner working! AAARGH.

I'm gonna go play some Metroid Fusion and head to sleep. See ya round! (The two of you ;p)

Tuesday, September 21, 2010


Exactly what I saw on the television in the dream.
Those lit up quarters make it up. I can remember it clearly now.

I didn't have time to install the drivers for my new scanner, so I just took a picture of the photo I developed in the dark room earlier today with my camera phone...excuse the bad quality but...this is what came out.

it's probably nothing, and Maybe i'm just imagining this, or...maybe i'm some sort of prophetic dreamer... Feels like deja vu almost. i don't even know.


That's all I can say I am right now.

Monday, September 20, 2010

Rapid Eye Movement -- Five Times Over

Last night I went to bed at 12:34AM

I woke up an hour later around 1:45. I had a dream. It was weird. I went back to sleep.

I woke up again at 2:30, another dream, I went back to sleep.

Once again I awoke, this time at 3:46. I remember the time exactly because I grabbed my phone immediately after I stopped my gasps of horror. (The dream wasn't all that scary, it just...bothered me tothe core.) After cradling myself with all the lights on for twenty minutes, I managed to get back to sleep and woke up AGAIN with another dream. 5:06. Back to bed, another dream.

I didn't feel like I got any sleep at all. My body never left REM sleep. My eyes must have been moving all night. And what's funny, is I remember ALL OF THEM PERFECTLY. If that isn't unusual I don't know what is.
It was probably just a crazy coincidence, but...I don't know, maybe it was something I ate?

Dream 1: I got a 32 on my act. But then it turned out that was just my missle count in Metroid. I actually got a twelve. My dad slapped me. (Yeah idkwtf)

Dream 2: I couldn't finish eating all of my ice so I gave some to Ryan (Yeah, also my last name, how cool.) He started talking about his engineering program at Perry University. Then we went to the amusement park and I lost my cotton candy. I went to a club at school, it was in an abandoned warehouse, Mr S. had a saw for a hand and Ryan and Lauren were talking about something by a curtain. Then I went to my friend's house and couldnt find my shoes. (Yeah idkwtf once more.)

Dream 3: In a crowded room of people. Classmates, I think. We were watching tv on an old, tube tv. Except it was hung on the wall all of a sudden. And what was on the screen was a bunch of street corners or something, and then the tv fell off the wall in slow motion, as if waitless. Some big black bar almost hit me, and then the tv hit me and got all staticy. It was crushing me. I tried to push it back up but it was really heavy. A figure appeared in the static and I started bugging out badly. I started to push it back up and pictures started flashing on the Tv. Girl's faces. A few of them were cartoon girls, and a few were real. I felt a click in my neck and a snapping sound and I woke up. I had no idea what to make of it. But it bothered me.

Dream 4: I found a deck of cards. All of a sudden my dog was HUGE. That's all, really.

Dream 5: I went to an anime conventoin with my friend, and then we were going to college for no reason. And she was driving me around in her car and I had a camera. We saw a chimera and I got out of the car to take a picture. It was tiny but after I took some shots it came after me. We tried to get back in the car but it was surrounded with laundry...yeah.

God, one of the weirdest nights of my life.

Feeling shaken, not stirred.


Let me tell you guys a story. This blog IS for venting thoughts, right?
It's not?

A long time ago, when I was in grade school, I had this friend named Jessica. We weren't great friends by any means, we just shared all of the same [nerdy] interests. We shared [nerdy] writing, and she taught me how to roleplay. Our relationships pretty much existed only online. (Though we would dance at school sockhops and pal around)
But all that we had in common really made me feel close to her. We'd stay up all night talking with eachother just about whatever, whether it be our crushes or video games or whatever.
Of course good things don't last forever, we went to different highschools and stopped talking...We'd chat every now and then, but nothing too deep.

Until today! She just randomly called me and we started talking about this and that. Telling eachother how we've been. She's still an aspiring writer, and I told her all about my photography. Her Dad is a proffesional photographer! Who knew? Come to think of it I never knew anything about her Dad. Except that he's Mexican.
Which is funny because looking at her you'd never be able to tell one of her parents was Mexican. White as as a....white thing.
White flower.
She even gave me some advice about that girl I'm so into! Maybe I can finally approach her and my life will become utlimate at last! Although sometimes that makes me feel like a stalker the way I handle crushes...Jessica says its the same for her so...Yeah, whatever. Yeah, that'd be nice to finally talk to her and get this out of my system. I'm tired of the perpetual stomach aches. I'm getting them from just talking(typing)
about her.

Dammit, stop!

Saturday, September 18, 2010

The Life ----- An Artist

Everything is good right now. Or at least, it's about to be. I feel like the stars have aligned for me lately and everything is just bright. Nothing is going wrong! N-O-T-H-I-N-G.
At least I don't think so.

When I'm not swooning over a delicate lass, or wasting my time on the internet, I'm taking pictures of stuff and taking it to school to develop by hand. I guess that makes me an artist but I don't feel like it does. I feel like it's just a...hobby, and not real art. I've tried really hard my entire life to be some sort of artist, but my hands have always failed me. Now that I'm doing something artsy...It doesn't feel like. I want to paint.
Or Draw.
Or...Mold pottery.
I'm really bad at that too! I'm taking a ceramics class and school and I totally blow.

Speaking of my Photos...The other day I was putting a grid texture on a picture of some coins...and when I went to develop it the fixer must not have hit part of the paper, because there was like this squiggly...thing, imprinted on it in white. Kind of like a bush, except with just a few long "branch" type things.
And then another one that was just was covered in gray blotches. Ew. I hope I'm not losing my touch...

....And I'll post those illuminations when I get around to printing them. I developed the film though!

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

The Headless Man

I live...Gee, maybe twelve minutes by car away from Evanston. So, this guy was walking his dog and found a headless body in a playground. Completely torn to shreds.


Seems really fucking shady to me.
They investiagated the explosion the first time and there wasn't anything there...Then where did that explosion come from? There was only one pipe bomb and the other device. So either the his head somehow exploded AFTER the pipe bomb had already went off and the police investigated, or that WAS the pipebomb that blew him up...But then what was the first explosion?
Whatever, maybe I just don't really understand what happened.

Things like this give me creeps. So much death and gore in my county.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

The Body Ritual of the Nacirema

Probably one of my favorite things to read ever. Well, it only really has the effect the first time but...

Wait, did I get another follower!? Worldwide conquest begins, I guess.

Clearly I'm hiding my excitement. Welcome to my world!

I'm not really sick anymore, I just have a small cough every now and then. Y'know, you feel stuff breaking up in your chest and you get that flemmy cough...Yeah, it's kind of like that. Go-Go Amoxacillan.

By the way, the "Droning"(cool word is cool ne?) I heard the other day, I talked to my neighbor about it and he doens't have any idea what it was, I assume it was his fan...y'know, like the roof fan? So he's getting that checked out.
I'm so proactive for a kid still living with his parents.

Oh and that date I mentioned? Totally fell through. But that's okay! Because I am currently breathlessly smitten by this new girl.
I move along so fast.
It's nice.


Thursday, September 9, 2010

The Droning

I'm getting sick. Well, I've been sick. "Getting" really...That's pretty much gone. It must be strep or something, I've been coughing for the last few day and spitting up that horrible...Yeah, you get that picture. Hopefully I'll be healthy enough for saturday (date! YEAH!!) but I'm sure I'll be fine by then. I've got some pills that will hopefully work some magic.

That in mind, getting to sleep is difficult...Y'know, runny nose, soar, dry throat (No matter how much water I drink, it never gets moist!!) pretty impossible, yeah? Well, it was made even worse by this horrible droning noise that was ringing all night, just outside my window. I'm thinking it was the fan on my neighbors roof but I really have no idea. It just went on and on and on and it was just...so terrible. I shut all of my windows but it was still hard on my ears...After a while it honestly started sounding like some sort of robot-alien screaming for help. But that was just my looming insanity, so whatever!

See, I'm keeping you updated on me! BLOG!

Sunday, September 5, 2010

No Exit

So I re-read "No Exit" the other day. Have you heard of it, Blogosphere (Shannon)? It probably the most entertaining play I've ever read. One day, I wish to see it performed!
...I'm sure I could find it on the internet. ...Doesn't count though.

I'm trying to think of interesting things to write about, but not much has been going on...I don't have too many friends to go on wild adventures with, you know? The only thing interesting about me is my photography, I guess...(I'll post those illuminations whenever I'm finished!!!)
Speaking of, I'm always so tired ...It must be the...darkess, of the dark room. I've been constantly falling asleep in there for the past three weeks! Whenever I sit down while the photo is developing, everything just goes black and I'm snoozing.

What do you think? Monster? Red Bull? Five Hour Energy...?

More sleep?

Monday, August 30, 2010


Starting tomorrow, I'm beginning an Illumination photography project...Basically taking a picture in the pitch black dark(I'm using the theater at my school) and drawing an image into the picture with a flash light. Super cool! If it's good enough (which it won't be) maybe I'll post it when it's done developing.

...Only Shannon is reading this though.

Goddammit Shannon.

Anyway I'm going to sleep now...Hopefully I won't have sleep paralysis or have one of those "oh crap I'm dreaming wake up wake up wake up" things again.

Uuuugh that is the worst part of going to sleep. And it's only 11: PM! I am so lame.

Just a thought before bed...

Archuleta and Lambert both got robbed. I'm only being honest.

Sunday, August 29, 2010

I don't know...

How this website works, exactly. I've never been very good at this computer nonsense (Even though I spent half of my day on it) and I could use some tips on how to make my blog look all...spruced up. Blogging should be fun, yeah? I've always wanted to have a blog that people actually listen to and comment on.

Seize the day, yeah?
Carpe diem...